Our Drunken Chef
Now, this lady is talented; she makes some damn good food, and her recipes are hella good; otherwise, the restaurant would have crashed and burned, rather than turned into the gleaming beacon of good, eclectic food that it is now.
Anyway, one thing that she's not talented at is keeping herself off the fucking cooking line. Another thing she's not good at is staying away from the goddamn night crew. There's two shifts at the restauraunt; lunch, when she works in the back from 8am-2pm, and a day crew makes the lunch food to order, then there's the night crew that's been doing their thing for 5 years now without her supervision, but with the supervision of one of the owners. Anyway, every once in a while, she'll decide to stay past 2pm and harass us cooks and sous-chef's while we're trying to make food.
Add to this her post-work drinking. This lady orders extra boxes of wine (BOXES!! Woman, get some taste!) that she claims she's going to use for some sort of steak sauce or stew or god knows what. Anyway, about two boxes of the stuff comes in every week, and sure enough, they're used, but definitely not on restaurant business, and the next week we get the same two boxes.
So she'll have a few glasses right after work, when the restaurant closes after the lunch shift (2pm) then she'll keep steady until I show up for work (3pm), she'll sit at the bar and gripe to whoever's there for a while, then once the tickets start flowing in steadily, she'll launch her campaign.
With one hand grasping her wine glass, which given it's size is really a punch bowl attached to a glass stem, she'll stumble back to the kitchen and start griping.
"You call that thinly sliced??"
"Are you sure that's mid-rare!?"
"NO! Don't do it that way!"
The harassment will roll on for an hour, then another hour, and we'll all sweat under her glare and complaints, then we'll get angry, at her, and start taking it out on the food, meticulously spending ten minutes on a single salad so she can see the effects of her inspection on the overall quality of service in the restaurant.
Then she'll complain that nobody loves her, because it's true, we all hate your fucking guts when you get in our way.
Then she'll go up to the bar and drink and drink and drink, because nobody loves her.
Then she'll start griping to customers, and that's really where we'd like to stop it, because it's fucked up that customers have to deal with drunk employees...but whoops, you really can't throw a chef out of her own restaurant.